I am an Introvert. If I have to choose just one attribute of mine which is common among people who resonate with this personality type, then it would be this-
We are confusing! I admit it, and I needed to get that off my chest.
Now if I have to make anyone understand what kind of a person I am, I would prefer to leave that situation. Not because I hate explaining myself (Partly yes). But more so because it is so difficult.
So what happens after I successfully dodge a situation like that? I go home and do anything apart from going out again.
But there was a time in my life when that ‘staying at home’ part was uncomfortable. I used to feel sad about being different and wanting to lead a life unlike what my peers aspired. I was stuck in a loop of trying to break my comfort zone and not break it. Because it is comfortable for a reason and doesn’t drain you. That is good. Right?
Even after liking to be alone, I wanted to change myself. But what happened when I tried to break that? For the first time in my life, I got lonely.
Being Alone vs Being Lonely
What is loneliness? For a detailed definition, you can go through this. But in short, whenever spending time with yourself has suffocated you, that is loneliness.
I was going through a lonely phase for almost a year. I was a sham who used to go out and use all my introvert battery and feel like not going outside again for a decade. I used to live in a boys’ hostel, and behaviour like that is straight away psychopathic.
What they all thought about me affected me even if I didn’t want to accept that. I used to sit in my room all day long and do nothing (Apart from watching porn). And that was so depressing.
That was loneliness, and I can distinguish it clearly because I still spend the majority of my time alone. But now, by choice, and I don’t feel any need to pretend. I am providing you the details of what helped me and can potentially help you in your life to get out of a similar phase.
Stop Trying To Break Your Comfort Zone
That might look like the exact opposite thing of what they say everywhere else, and it can break my credibility (If there is any). But hang on, and look at this beautiful picture below:
Okay, it isn’t that beautiful. But do you see what happens to me and most of the introverts out there? While trying to get out of the comfort zone, we forget who we really are and what we require to lead a happy life.
We aren’t used to high stimulation for which the rest of the world crave. We try to fit ourselves in between the rest. You know what? If you are an introvert and this thing is relatable AF to you, then STOP RIGHT NOW!
You will have to go through a tough phase (Or are going through) because of all the pressure around which you are surrounded with. So what should you do? Never try to change yourself? Even a bit?
We rarely crave a big group of friends. So don’t even bother trying to get into one. We usually get stuck in that phase when we try to win someone’s approval or be more social. But trust me, that never works well for us in the beginning.
We introverts like it deep! (No pun intended.) Most of us hate getting in a classroom where we are supposed to entertain the population. What I am telling you is this, you don’t need to do that!
Find that one more weirdo in a group with whom you resonate the most, or look for that extrovert who is ready to adopt you. That one connection is what we crave!
So don’t take any major steps while trying to break that zone. Take baby steps and go only as far as it feels natural. Of course, taking dramatic steps every once in a while is thrilling and I do recommend that. But please don’t take those steps out of insecurities like I did.
Be Action Driven
It is easy to talk about loneliness and hard to experience it. Staying alone is like a chocolate pie for us, and if we start abhorring that same thing, we become confused. We feel like we don’t even know ourselves.
When I asked you to stop trying to break your comfort zone, I asked you to stop taking extreme decisions in your life. I did that then, and I hated that. It harmed me more than helping me.
But I didn’t ask you to stop taking steps to break the barricades that restrict you. Never limit yourself thinking that being an introvert is some disability. It is how we are and nothing more than that!
Loneliness is a trap, and to make it comfortable again, you have to start going out of your room. It is a necessity to not stay in a place that doesn’t seem natural anymore. You must talk with people who are important to you. You have to tell them what you feel and rehash the best of your times when being alone didn’t feel like some curse.
Revive Old Hobbies
We love being alone because we love our company the most. I was a hero when I used to close that door and wear my cape. Is there a similar memory of yours attached to being alone?
I am not focusing on the reasons which can lead to being lonely in this article. It can be a break-up or the pandemic or anything. The only reason my focus is not on that is because that doesn’t matter.
In a larger picture, staying alone starts haunting us when we succumb to the hardships that life throws at us, and we stop enjoying our fascinating world. Whatever the reason may be behind your loneliness, the cure is always an easy step. But taking that step needs courage.
I am not asking you to snap out of loneliness because that rarely happens. It is difficult and time-consuming. Depending upon your reasoning, take your time, stay in your cocoon until it feels impossible, and then direct your energy into the things that you have enjoyed in your past.
Whether it is painting or playing that guitar, start doing that again. Don’t give healing more time than it deserves.
Lastly, if you feel this way right now, I want you to understand that this isn’t permanent, even if it feels like that. There is sunshine, and there is always hope of getting out of this interminable night. So hang on and trust yourself. I promise you that you will start enjoying your me-time again soon.
Don’t be too harsh on yourself. I have made it out of that year which was one of the most depressing ones and so will you. It always ends sooner or later.
