Positive quotes feel more negative and menacing to me day-by-day, and they don’t just come as written texts. There are people all around us throwing them onto us either through their words or expressions.
Whenever I think about toxic positivity, the face of my college professor pops in my mind. She had that smiling face all around the day. When I saw her for the first time, I felt like, wow! This woman feels so positive! But then I started being around her, and I understood that she was as fucked up as I was.
That’s what toxic positivity is for me. They think they know it all because of their power to summarise a decent thought into a vague statement, but then it starts suffocating you. You feel like you don’t even have a scope to feel human anymore.
For those who have to deal with people like those in office or at home, or have a few unwanted friends with that ‘vibe’, or are simply a victim of this social media community, this article might help you. You will have a clear understanding of what this all is, how it affects us and how we can become comparatively immune to its venomous effects.
Positivity vs Toxic Positivity
See, I neither judge you or myself when we crave for some amount of positivity from time to time.
I mean, it’s not bad. It’s something positive after all. Who doesn’t enjoy Disney movies from time to time? They are necessary after a marathon of gory and ‘realistic’ cinema.
But positivity isn’t unrealistic. If you come from that standpoint, then think again.
If the crisis in Afghanistan, and the pandemic is real, then so is the mellow breeze carrying the scent of flowers and the laughter of a baby.
That’s what positivity is about. That side exists around us and no one minds a sporadic reminder about its existence.
But what if they start forcing that side onto you when you really should be grieving or channelizing your anger. The definition of toxic positivity goes like this-
Toxic positivity is an obsession with positive thinking. It is the belief that people should put a positive spin on all experiences, even those that are profoundly tragic.
Whether you lost your loved one, or whether you just aren’t feeling well today because of no reason at all, it is all fine. If someone comes up and says, “It’s a beautiful day, why aren’t you smiling?” Tell me I am not the only one who feels like punching that person’s smiling face. Where is our empathy?
How Bad Can it be?
Feeling positive and trying to make people around us feel positive is good. Right? Sure! Only if you truly know why you are feeling positive and have a good EQ.
I have met people who are grateful every single second to be alive, and they don’t forget to spread their vibes all the time. I mean, good for you! But stay away from me. This is coming from a person who has been practicing meditation and gratefulness for years now. I do propagate my thoughts every once in a while in-depth, but that’s all.
Then there are people who are trapped with a happy bubble even when their life is going through a shit storm. I am talking about people like them. Kindly stay away from them. That’s not optimism but psychopathy. That bubble might pop up any day, and they may take you with them. Look at this below:
A 2020 narrative review of 29 studies of domestic violence found that a positive bias might cause people experiencing abuse to underestimate its severity and remain in abusive relationships. Optimism, hope, and forgiveness increased the risk of people staying with their abusers and being subject to escalating abuse.
Its impact can be this bad! Some consequences of a positivity bubble may sound like this:
- Emotional Suppression: It is when you suppress your emotions to such an extent, where you start living in denial of them.
- Isolation: Because of everyone’s alleged happiness, the person might feel like there is something wrong with him. So the best option for him might look like isolating himself.
- Negativity: Something that is an ironic result of happy and positive thinking or words.
- Avoidance: It is when you completely avoid tackling the ‘negative’ emotions.
- Pressure: It is about the burden one feels to keep a fake smile on the face when he doesn’t want to.
Even people like therapists who have spent their entire youth trying to understand human psychology make this mistake. No one goes to a therapist to listen to some positive random advices.
So how can we survive in an environment like this?
The Solution!
We all have heard about the stories of not thinking about a pink elephant. The same is true when we try to repress our emotions. All our concentration goes toward that one emotion or one piece of memory that we are trying to avoid for so long.
Here are a few practical pieces of advice that might not undo all the damage that has been done until now by the flick of a wand, but they work on a long-term basis.
- Use This Knowledge: Now you are well aware of what toxic positivity is, and most probably, you could relate to some instance in your life, or you regularly face this. So you already know what’s wrong, and acknowledging that is the first step. Write it down or think about those things that sound positive but are absolutely toxic to your mental health.
- Censor The Content: No! Sadly, you cannot escape it completely. Because it is not just about the external circumstances, but our mind has also evolved in that manner. We abuse ourselves with crap advices. So what can be done is, filter out anyone who makes you feel pressured, and also consider unfollowing pages like “Positivity every day” or whatever you think is superficial or assertive.
- Confront: Sit with yourself or find some Me Time in your day. During this time, try to see your day or your situation from a non-biased perspective. It helped me so many times when I really needed help. Because it is quite obvious that we know ourselves better than anyone else. And we aren’t as harsh with others as we are with ourselves. So figure out what’s wrong and act accordingly.
- Root for Tragic Optimism: This term is what we should all try to identify with. You shouldn’t be jumping to the pessimistic side. People in that category are as exhausting as the people who fall into the toxic positivity side. What we want in our life is to see our sufferings as it is and then root for hope. That’s what tragic optimism is about. To know more, check this article.
- Find Humour: Sometimes, it happens when we don’t feel like we are ready to face whatever it is after analysing. During times like these, I suggest you humour yourself if not with someone else.
Final Advice
As I mentioned earlier, life can be seen from two perspectives. One is grim, while the other one is hopeful. Most of the time, we want to be on the latter side but that’s not how it works.
Instead of searching how to be happy 24 hours a day, sit with yourself and see life as it is. And if you haven’t felt positive in a very long time, then that’s okay as well.
Just do not give up on yourself because life is happening, and it isn’t going anywhere.
Try to see everything from a broader perspective instead of looking at it from a positive or a negative angle. You will automatically feel more secure about the situation. That’s pretty much all. Tada!
